Archive for June, 2012

So, I actually went through with it. I finally did feel at peace about my decision after seeing a third opinion from a neurosurgeon. The real inevitable truth was that I would indeed need spinal surgery at some point in my life and things were in fact lining up for me to take that leap now.

To tell you the absolutely raw truth, I was really terrified, until I had found that peace in my decision. Why would God willingly place this type of event into my life. Or then again, why would He allow it for that matter? I think of Job and all of his hardships. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a bit like him. But, who knows? I really can’t wait to talk to God in person about it someday. I keep reminding myself of this quote:

God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him.
All that has perplexed us in the providences of God will in the world to come be made plain. The things hard to be understood will then find explanation. The mysteries of grace will unfold before us. Where our finite minds discovered only confusion and broken promises, we shall see the most perfect and beautiful harmony. We shall know that infinite love ordered the experiences that seemed most trying.

Someday I will understand why this was necessary, why God did not intervene, why He allowed me to be born with such a problem in the first place. I do know that it makes me stronger somehow. God is preparing us each daily for the trials we will face before He returns to take us home. If I allow God to work on me, this experience will not make me bitter, but all the more sensitive towards others and their afflictions.

I do feel like once I’ve healed up in a few months, that I’ll be able to do everything I once did. And then, on with the adventures God has planned. The ones that I look forward to that is, like New Zealand and teaching.

This inquisitive bird is still the same inside, despite the added rods and screws and scars. Perhaps the title Inquisitive Bird, Crooked Tree needs to be rewritten, even though I secretly did like the ring it had.

Anyhow, my surgeon is very happy with how things turned out and I look forward to talking with him again at my two-week appointment next week.


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