Archive for May, 2012

Whew… it’s a bit surreal, but I’m finally finished. I am officially a teacher. It feels a bit like when I turned 18 and when I graduated high school. But then it was, ‘I’m officially an adult’, yet compared to now, I was still a small, timid little thing inside. My years at Andrews have grown my confidence in leaps and bounds. I can hardly recognize that little person of 6 years ago.

I am a teacher. Close to one year ago I was doubting my ability to actually be a teacher, which is kind of funny because I already was one as a student missionary. But then, I didn’t have any training and the prospect of incorporating everything from my classes was a bit daunting when before I just winged everyday and had so much fun. But really, something I learned this semester while I was student teaching, is that there is an element of winging it in every day. Not because I don’t have to come prepared, but because you really never know what’s going to happen. And the fact that I now have a large toolbox of ideas and things to draw from doesn’t mean I have to use them all at once every day. I can still to some extent just teach, as I’m comfortable, but that toolbox is now incorporated into my thinking so that when it’s appropriate, I will choose the right tools without as much effort as I first thought.

Through my college years, I went through many experiences that caused me to pass through to adulthood. I kind of went back and forth in a way. I’d step up to a challenge and march through with courage and zeal, knowing that I could be great because God was helping me along. Yet, then I’d forget when He’d helped me and I’d have another anxiety attack at the next great obstacle, turning back into a whimpering child. I’m not saying it’s wrong to doubt though, because it’s then that we really question what we believe and where our beliefs becomes strengthened for the next big impact. So, it was this back and forth journey in my mind, between courageous adult and timid child.

The last bits of my undergrad experience sealed the deal. I do think I feel ‘all grown up’. I realize I’ll have new milestones to pass in the future, but none will be quite like this. Because then it will be perhaps, young adult to something else, like, ‘experienced teacher’, or perhaps someday, ‘doctor’ or maybe ‘wife’ and then ‘mother’. Beyond all these ‘rights of passage’ I know however, that it’s still okay to feel like a child sometimes. We are all God’s children and He wants to hold us in His arms like a parent and sing us to sleep. I think He’s only able to do that when we fully realize our vulnerability and dependence on Him.

I will never forget that He wants to hold my hand. It says in Isaiah 41:13, ‘For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ I will go and do my best now and meet my next challenges with a bit more courage than I had before. And God will keep on giving me His Joy.


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